# 10 五孩妈妈藏着的疲惫，太真实了-A Five-Kid Mom’s Hidden Exhaustion—So Real

以下，是我日常与孩子们对话中的一幕。

“老大姐姐，你要专心写字，不要写到一半突然去看 YouTube 或聊天工具，要专心。”

“老二，你现在立刻给我关电视，不可以再看了，眼睛会坏掉的。”

老二这才勉强把电视关掉，然后继续瘫在沙发上一动不动。

“老三飞飞，你什么时候要去洗澡？不要站在那里发呆，要专心。”

“老四挪挪，你能不能不要动手动脚的？能否安静地读一本书啊？”

“老五，你再不写作业，我就要开始管教了，管教杖要来了。”

这时，老五才嘟着嘴，慢悠悠地拿起作业来做。

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我当然不只是一直在要求孩子。
其实大多数时候，我是用爱、用拥抱、用友善的态度来对待他们的。
通常只有当同样的事情提醒了两次，他们还是不听，我才不得不拿出我的“老本行”——
虎妈妈的身份登场。

我内心其实很喜欢孩子，他们是上天给我的宝贝。
但真实的一幕，还是需要记录。
当时我心里想着：“要是他们听一次就改多好啊！”
五个孩子，每个都需要提醒两次，那就是至少十次喊话，真的太累了。

有时候，孩子倔脾气特别大，还会夹带粗口，心里真的很累。
那一刻，我肚子都饿得发慌，还要做饭，还要照顾他们的学业。
这个压力、这份沮丧，真的常常会涌上来。

而当我一严厉，孩子们的态度真的会立刻改变。
因为他们害怕被妈妈责备、被管教，于是就乖乖去做了。

可是今天，我开始认真思考一件事。
我或许可以管住他们的行为——
他们确实去写作业了，也去背经文了，也去写中文了，
但很多时候，只是为了得到妈妈的 reward。

他们的内心并不是明白的，也不是情愿的，
而是一次又一次被逼着完成。
这样的过程，其实非常消耗我的身心。

在反思如何改善我的育儿策略时，
我想起《从灵开始做父母》里的一段提醒：
我们或许可以暂时改变孩子的行为，
却无法改变孩子的心。
而心，才是更加重要的。

唯有神，才能改变人心。
这让我更深地意识到，我是多么需要神的帮助。

所以，我很想做出一些改变，
盼望自己能成为一个更好的妈妈，更好地引导孩子们：

第一，
当孩子下次不听话时，不要马上凶他们。
试着低下身子，看着他们的眼睛，用温柔的方式引导，也说明原因。
也学习去倾听孩子的心声，了解他们内心真正的想法。
当孩子知道你是懂他们的，他们其实是愿意听父母的。
孩子并不是不想听话，
只是他们也渴望被尊重、被友善地沟通。

第二，
这几天事情很多，常常过了十二点才睡，身体真的很累。
我需要好好调整自己。
做了妈妈之后，我的健康同样重要——
只有我先站稳了，才有力量托住这个家。

第三，
我要为孩子的成长祷告。
圣灵的介入，比我自己的努力更持久，也更有力量。
这些孩子是神的孩子，我只是管家。
愿神赐我智慧，帮助我养育属于祂的孩子。

阿门。

A Glimpse into My Daily Conversations with My Children

The following is a snapshot of my everyday conversations with my children.

“Eldest sister, you need to focus on your writing. Don’t suddenly switch to YouTube or chat apps halfway through. Stay focused.”

“Second child, turn off the TV right now. You’re not allowed to watch anymore—your eyes will get damaged.”

Only then did the second child reluctantly turn off the TV, before collapsing back onto the sofa, completely motionless.

“Third child, Feifei, when are you going to take a shower? Don’t just stand there spacing out. Focus.”

“Fourth child, move over a bit. Can you stop touching others and just sit quietly to read a book?”

“Fifth child, if you don’t start your homework now, I’m going to discipline you. The rod is coming.”

At that point, the fifth child puckered his lips and slowly picked up his homework.

Of course, I’m not always making demands of my children.
Most of the time, I approach them with love—through hugs, gentleness, and kindness.
Usually, it’s only after the same issue has been brought up twice and they still don’t listen that I have no choice but to fall back on my “old skill”—
bringing out my tiger-mom mode.
Otherwise, each of them is just as stubborn as the next.

And when I do become strict, their attitude changes immediately.
Because they’re afraid of being scolded or disciplined, they comply and do what they’re told.

But today, I began to seriously reflect on something.

I may be able to control their behavior—
they do their homework, memorize Scripture, and practice Chinese.
But often, they’re doing it simply to earn a reward from me.

Their hearts, however, are not truly engaged.
They don’t really understand, nor are they willing.
They’re just being pushed, again and again, to comply.
And honestly, this process is incredibly draining—both physically and emotionally.

As I reflected on how to improve my parenting approach,
I was reminded of something from Parenting from the Inside Out (or Parenting from the Spirit):
we may be able to change a child’s behavior temporarily,
but we cannot change their heart.
And the heart matters far more.

Only God can change a person’s heart.
This realization made me deeply aware of how much I need God’s help.

So I want to make some changes,
hoping to become a better mother—one who guides her children more wisely.

First,
when my children don’t listen next time, I don’t want to react with anger right away.
I want to try lowering myself to their level, looking them in the eye, gently guiding them, and explaining the reasons.
I also want to listen to their hearts—to understand what they’re really thinking.
When children know that their parents truly understand them, they are actually willing to listen.
It’s not that they don’t want to obey;
they simply long to be respected and spoken to with kindness.

Second,
these past few days have been overwhelming. I’ve often gone to bed after midnight, and my body is exhausted.
I need to readjust and take better care of myself.
After becoming a mother, my own health matters too—
because only when I am steady can I support my family.

Third,
I need to pray for my children’s growth.
The work of the Holy Spirit is far more lasting and powerful than my own efforts.
These children belong to God; I am merely a steward.
May God grant me wisdom to raise the children who ultimately belong to Him.